Preparing Yourselves to Celebrate Marriage

The months before a wedding are usually a time of intense planning for the “big day.” Here are three things not to overlook in preparing for a Catholic wedding:

1.) In the Catholic Church, the couple is the minister of the sacrament of marriage. The couple exchange vows to each other. The priest or deacon serves as the church’s chief witness; he does not “pronounce them husband and wife.” Other roles in a Catholic wedding include two additional witnesses (the “best man” and “maid of honor”), lectors to proclaim the scripture readings and intercessions, music ministers to lead the assembly’s singing, and, if the wedding takes place within Mass, additional ministers of communion (as needed).

2.) Some things are essential for a Catholic wedding; others are not. Essential things include the scripture readings, homily, statement of intentions (“Have you come here freely and without reservation...?”), consent or exchange of vows, and nuptial blessing. Things that are not essential include seating guests of the bride and guests of the groom on separate sides of the aisle, keeping the bride and groom apart before the wedding, unrolling a white aisle runner before the entrance procession, lighting a unity or wedding candle, and placing flowers before a statue of Mary.

3.) There are no spectators at a Catholic wedding. The bishops at the Second Vatican Council made “full, conscious, and active participation” by all worshippers “the aim to be considered before all else” in liturgy (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, 14). Just as at Sunday Mass, certain individuals fulfill various ministries within the wedding liturgy, but the entire assembly of worshippers celebrates the liturgy. When you go to a wedding, listen attentively to the scriptures the couple has chosen, sing the music they have selected, respond to the prayers in a strong voice. The enthusiastic participation of the entire assembly of worshippers is the best gift anyone can give to the couple on their “big day.”

Wedding Traditions

Have you ever heard the old wedding rhyme that suggests that the bride should carry “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?” Most weddings involve some combination of old and new as couples try to reflect their continuity with the weddings that have gone before theirs as well as what is unique in their marriage. Those who favor what they think of as the old often speak of their wedding as “traditional,” while those who favor what they consider to be new often refer to theirs as “contemporary.” More often than not, these terms simply imply a particular style.

For Catholics, weddings are both traditional and contemporary in the best sense of these terms. Each Catholic wedding is traditional because it hands on and enfleshes the church’s faith concerning the sacrament of marriage. (The root of the Latin word traditio literally means “to hand down” or “to hand over.”) Each Catholic wedding is contemporary because it makes present here and now in this unique marriage, God’s love for the couple and Christ’s relationship with the church.

Much of what is popularly considered “traditional” at weddings actually consists of social customs from another era that no longer correspond to the church’s (or even a modern man’s or woman’s) understanding of marriage. For example, at one time people believed that it was “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony began. The Catechism of the Catholic Church refers to such superstitions as a “perverse excess of religion” and a “deviation of religious feeling” (#2110–2111). The custom whereby the bride’s father “gives the bride away” to the groom at the head of the aisle reflects a time when marriages were arranged between the groom and the bride’s father, and in some cases, the woman was seen as property to be given and received. Today, the church and society both emphasize marriage as a mutual decision by equal and free partners.

Wedding customs that no longer reflect reality or faith are meaningless. Authentic wedding traditions “hand down” the church’s ageless faith in ways that respect the current social reality of marriage and the contemporary Christian understanding of marriage.

The Whole Church Celebrates with You

“We Are getting married!” With these few, simple words, an engaged couple announces the most important decision of their lives. This decision affects not only the couple, but also their families and friends. No longer is John just “our son,” “our nephew” or “my college buddy;” no longer is Mary just “my daughter,” “our cousin” or “my friend from work.” Now they are also partners who have agreed to pledge their lives to each other and form a new family. As they gather around John and Mary at the wedding, these family members and friends celebrate these changes in relationships.

When a wedding is celebrated in church, there is another level of relation‑ship beyond family and friends, and that involves God and the church. In their exchange of vows, the couple offers a visible sign of God’s presence and love. It is an act of worship that takes place in the midst of a Christian community. In living out their vows, husband and wife share in Christ’s paschal mystery by dying to their own desires so as to live for each other and their children. Their marriage reflects Christ’s relationship with the church and creates a new family within the community of the church.

A church wedding touches the couple, their families and friends in an especially intimate way, but it also pertains to the local parish and to the larger church. This is what the bishops at the Second Vatican Council meant when they said, “Liturgical services are not private functions but are celebrations of the Church which is ‘the sacrament of unity’” (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, 26). Catholic weddings are parish liturgies and, as such, are often announced in the parish bulletin. Weddings may even be celebrated within a parish Sunday Mass. While one may need an invitation to attend the reception, the wedding liturgy is a celebration of the whole church and is open to all parishioners.

Copyright © 2001 Liturgy Training Publications, 1800 North Hermitage Avenue, Chicago IL 60622‑1101; 1‑800‑933‑1800; www.ltp.org. Text by Paul Covino. Art by Luba Lukova. All rights reserved. Used with permission.